You will be asked to register or log in. So, youre normal. If what you have together right now works for you and you can see yourself happy with it next month and next year even then great, but you dont sound happy. If you are ready to talk frankly with him, do it. She had told her sister that when she took over the small mortgage and the house was hers. Wen u are living together and taking care of the house together it should b mentioned as both of ur house or both of ur garden or flowers look nice. I am just one take on this though and certainly not a mainstream one. I threw him out. Cut no man (or woman) slack because theyve been widowed. And deliberately trying to oust me as a threat to HER (not her and her sisters HER) inheritance. Please help! If you are worried, its okay to tell him this and see where the conversation goes from there. You'll start receiving the latest news, benefits, events, and programs related to AARP's mission to empower people to choose how they live as they age. Emotionally he is still married..which makes me the other woman. After 2 years of dating we got married. Like the house was built for, and was for HER, and no other. But its telling that he doesnt bring you around them, or his friends, because as you stated, he appears to see your relationship in a different light and thats the crux of the issue. I hope things work out the way you hope. Ask for what you want. It was the thought of being excluded as a wife to him that threw me for a loop and made me feel not good enough. I feel that if we are talking marriage, it should come down now. A widow or a widower is a partner, and if you want a future with any partner, they must put you, and your relationship with them FIRST. The clothes should b put away and you should have closet and drawer space. I have been there for him during his wife sickness and well after. That little swine will pity party all his life about how his Mummy died. Who came back from out of province with a $5000 pro move and behaved towards her father in ways that struck both me and her own boyfriend dumb. He doesnt have a very close relationship with his own family and never talked to his friends about his problems, but he told me about some things about his marriage. Which I about objected to about 5 months into our relationship and he removed. I dont think most people dwell too much but some of us do. However, I know of situations where meltdowns have led to greater understanding, formulating plans for moving forward and long-term commitment though the latter happens less frequently. What do you want? Am I being too sensitive? Because you are his girlfriend, not his grief counselor. Am I being unreasonable? Contact him when he returns, if you dont here from him, and then make your plans from there, but a man who abruptly ends communications, and is vague about why, is trying to avoid telling you something most of the time. She offers private coaching and retreats to support her male and female. I know that teenage and young adult children often are ambivalent or resistant (or hostile) about widowed parents dating/marrying again. The relationship had started becoming unhealthy. Ask how you can make things easier for him. Think about what you want. I have met all his family and even his in laws briefly. But with someone with plenty more years under his belt and the experience and wisdom(?) The comments on their give much insight into the turmoil and suffering Narcissistic parents and grandparents cause. I expect that you make the necessary changes and choices in your life to secure the LIFE that YOU have told me YOU wanted. Im not going to lie, I still have pics and cards from my kids father, pics of my ex husband. How his hot/cold attention is hurting you? Its up to you to decide if you can live a life like that. It is often expected of women, especially single mothers with children, to yearn for stability "get off the apps" and "find your person.". That might include having another talk where you both are honest about the present situation and where you both see things going should the relationship continue. A lot of them are good loving, devoted men, for the God damned dead bitch and no one else. Every relationship is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves and further refine our goals. Its a choice. It is not the same as dating a divorced person. My fiances late father and his youngest brother. I am making the case for you taking control of your own destiny. Everyone carries a little or a lot of issues that stop them from getting into relationships. At least now I know he is 100% committed to making it work and we are not just killing time until the grim reaper delivers us from the journey. Just steady progress and the widowed should want to make steps to show love a care and make u feel loved. I was raised to never stand for a man cheating on you. Thank you for your time and your advice:-) Im going to hope and pray for the best. Now I am not saying all widows are like this but the more I read on the web and interact with this group of people the more I am seeing the silver lining. After in the her in laws lie to her and went behind her back and put the kids in another race when she said no we did what the counselor said sat down and wrote out a plan. How could we be intimate in that bedroom.. OK feelings arent black and white but It enters a different phase if you will and this is where it gets problematic for some widowed. I expect we communicate your feelings and mine coming together when we have something pop up. He asked me before I came over for the first time if I wanted him to take stuff down, it was really important to him that I am comfortable. I understand that you would rather not talk with him about your concerns right now. I thought we were happy. In a meantime Very Merry Christmas to everyone. Be honest and yourself. so i believe him.But one time in our converstation we talk about his coming back here but he said he is not sure anymore coz he has no money yet, so i ask so there is no assurance anymore that he is coming back here, and he said yes no assurance, it will depend on his money next year, maybe if not next year, 2 years more. Things progressed rather quickly and I fell in love with him. My best friend of 40+ years passed away last year so I have really no one to talk to and as you can tell I desperately need some insight. We moved to do more together now all I seem to do is spend time with his son while he works in the shed doing god knows what. All the mean time I am helping her raise the children. When I met him I knew he was a widower but not until 3 months later in the relationship did I find out his wife had just passed. But, in my opinion, they should be posts rather than avatars or headers. Not long ago, I met a very lovely lady who enthusiastically shared her story of love lost and found again. They have seen how my world collapsed and they are just being protective of me and my kids. Time enough and then some for him to have moved on. My new man seemed very attentive and loving. I tried but simply couldnt be a friend. His wife has been dead for 9 years. I dated, even had a fly by night almost serious relationship, until I decided he wasnt what I was looking for. look how sweet I am to morn her even though i want to you! Just use your. We went away together for a couple of days just over a week ago and had a beautiful time. In many ways, dating a widower is no different to courting any other partner. You have feelings and needs. He choose to start a relationship. Etc. "Friends and family can sometimes feel that he's not ready for love, or that she was so special nobody else could take her place," Annie says. It just cant be a secret forever. Think about it. Not bad (at least on most days). So awhile ago I attend some counseling sessions with her. So going on that guess and your recounting of the relationship so far, my inclination is to point you towards couples counseling because it sounds as though having an outside party to guide the discussions the two of you are having would be helpful. That doesnt mean that we dont talk about our pasts. I have alot of thinking to do and hopefully if he really loves me like he says he does, he will make the changes he needs to make so we can be together. You can only love people for who they are. If he was divorced, would you be patient with his on/off behavior? What if he hides you and excludes you from his family and friends (they know your name and that your a friend but thats it). The result, though, can be a positive, successful bond. There was always an element of jealousy and regret in his chats. He tells me he cares about me always has and he remembers funny things like my phone number from 38 years ago, my first car and even what I was wearing the day we met! Your family and friends are just reacting to your feelings. I will feel guilty leaving my boyfriend for this widower although I have developed stronger feelings towards the widower and I agreed we could date. I have meet them both at functions and have gotten along with a smile on my face but it was hard. For two years he and I had seemingly been quite happy, and I had a very good relationship with his older daughter who lives locally. I have always told them I cant replace you dad, and hes in heaven now, but what I can do is be a dad to you down here. I have never lived alone in my 53 years and I need it now lol Im moving into an apartment right under my daughter & granddaughter so that will definitely help. THEN, there is marry the man..marry the family. OMG what a crock of shit! Thank you, I know I have messed up but you live and learn and as you say, if there is no committment then I am my own main concern. It always falls back to this she lost her mother when she was 11 line. You can certainly be there, listen or whatever if he initiates, but it is his to do and he has to decide he wants to before anything can happen. Well we are done now, Im moving out tomorrow BUT we are best friends and will stay in touch, thank God. I think you are just wanting to see that your relationship is moving in a healthy loving manner. Initially, it does sustain. She likely would have been just as annoying to her own mother because thats who she is. Men in love are action oriented (not any different from women really). Bitches like that get their first pick of the naive men, snagging them off the good women, men love a bitch, and then are still pulling their tricks to keep them, from the grave. Because you are a helper. I work in a health care setting saving lives, go figure I would end up with the person I did. Do you think I should just cool my jets and let more time pass? I have met his family and friends and I am treated very well by them. Im sorry that things didnt work out the way you hoped. But to my surprised when i open my skype i saw him online and i chat him but didnt replied. I think it is selfish and self serving.and unfair. .. I moved away and we continued our friendship. You will be okay and eventually, everything will be okay. Good Luck, Sonia. I have recently found out she bought herself an expensive leather coat shortly after Xmas. I asked about her children, she replied I have three grown children each with their own children now. A grieving man is fragile. You should be in the number one spot. I was lucky enough to understand I would do anything to feed it, grow it and surround myself in it. He had told me that he had told her that it was inappropriate to make major property decisions with someone I have only known for 2 or 3 years., I had asked him why in Gods name he couldnt just sell that house, and his older daughter had also said as much. There's often a concern that people will think they must not have loved their spouse if they're seen dating a new partner. Would you be okay with that? We have some speed bumps that pop up and I get pretty sad. HI it is me again, well he is texting a bit more, coming over a bit more, but with the holidays approaching I fear I am losing my courage to bring the conversation up. I think if the widow is ready and loves you they will slowly over time want to show u they care and show you that you are ther love and future and moving forward and taking these steps show you that u r wut they want. And in the beginning, he did reference his LW a lot. I guess because we have no way of knowing where the grief process will take the person we love. They had been married for 25 years and dated through high school. You need to look into your own family history and relationships with your parents, grandparents, former partners, etc to discover why you would for five minutes put up with this total nonsense. Once your divorce is final, what are you expectations for this relationship? She was 26 she acted like she was a very bad 16. My husband and I only rarely talked about our late spouses after we became a couple. I expect you treat me like a husband one day and not a second one. The important thing now is again in my opinion you. And yet the fear remains. I do have a small handful of photos mostly recent ones. The blog Narcissists Suck is the most useful source. Suppose you jump into your first relationship after being widowed out of nothing but loneliness. I had to ask to get it removed. Younger men are drawn to older women for a variety of reasons, but the most prevalent is that they appreciate the maturity and experience that comes with being older.